Wallace Arrives

We keep them hidden...our old selves from our new.

A simple question triggered an emotional onslaught as my lost girl peeked out again.

SUNDAY MORNING
Stanza 2
Wallace Stevens

Why should she give her bounty to the dead?
What is divinity if it can come
Only in silent shadows and in dreams?
Shall she not find in comforts of the sun,
In pungent fruit and bright green wings, or else
In any balm or beauty of the earth,
Things to be cherished like the thought of heaven?
Divinity must live within herself:
Passions of rain, or moods in falling snow;
Grievings in loneliness, or unsubdued
Elations when the forest blooms; gusty
Emotions on wet roads on autumn nights;
All pleasures and all pains, remembering
The bough of summer and the winter branch.
These are the measure destined for her soul.


The days of a single poetry stanza bringing forth deep emotion had disappeared, right?  But no, just delayed....

As a young woman in her mid 20's, I had no care for the speed of life.  The faster, the better as silly youth dictated regardless of how much suffering needed to be healed.  Rushing through pain was all that I understood to salve it and yet, the rushing of hurt did not make for a mended heart.

And so I delved into Wallace to find a release and there I first discovered my philosophy of heaven.  Without any formal churchgoing, I sat alone and tried to make sense of religion.  No one I knew talked much about heaven but hell was a constant threat.

Life was all about punishment; escaping eternal agony was a top priority in my poverty stricken and depressed community.

But I could not believe in their darkness.  Instead, to get past my hurtful youth, I contrived that perhaps I was already in heaven.  Glimpses of my personal hell, my often self-imposed misery convinced me that the ultimate direction to heaven was simply to pay attention to my beautiful and blessed surroundings.  It existed around me if I cared to take notice and this part of Wallace's poem clearly explained my musings.

...gusty Emotions...pleasures...pains...destined for her soul

Cheers to Wallace!