Post Traumatic Fog Syndrome

Luxuriating in one's stable state of mind is a curious way of finding out that "stable" is practically impossible.  What kind of balance is achieved?

It's easy to wax and wane away one's days believing that past hurts have disappeared.  Faint scars may still be visible but we don't want to believe that scar tissue underneath can still cause problems.  Yet when pressure is applied, pain reappears and so it is with the trickiness of our mind fog.

Most days, the brightness of the path before me pushes away the fog.  I don't allow pessimism to steal days from my journey...most days.  And then a tiny niggle of pain works it way through a crack in my joy, seeping quietly into my dreams.  No rest for the weary, nor answer to why one feels adrift...just a quiet thief reminding me that scar tissue can hurt.

I suppose that I no longer believe in lifelong balance, happiness, fog free existence.  It's a strange fairy tale to give up as we're told so often by "experts" that we can prepare ourselves for pain...past, present, future pain.  My only preparation is recognition now.  I can at least suck in and ready myself for the punch of pain when it arrives.  A small gift.  Preparation.  Sight.  Acceptance.  Resolution. And then patience for it to pass.

Perhaps that stable state of mind is just what we need for the next round of fog to come upon us.  It is easy to fall prey to its tempting calm...peaceful stability.  Turning over during our rest, our souls pressing down on the scar tissue awakens us, pains us, reminds us that we are simply waiting to make our way through another fog.