They tend to be the worst...rainy, dark, lonely nights are when I miss him the most. And who might he be? I do NOT know. One of the assignments I was given years ago involved listing the attributes of someone who might fit in with my life. Before I divorced, it was a "want" list for my ex-husband that requested a common meeting ground of these qualities. He never gave me a list and stated that he was happy with exactly who I was...but that wasn't true and I wondered why it was so difficult for him to voice his preferences.
Was it because he felt I couldn't live up to them? Perhaps he was so dedicated to the institution of marriage, he simply could not think beyond his partner. But he must have thought something as the magazines and movies were filled with fantasy women.
I'm fortunate enough to be living in a REALITY now and as I look back almost a year ago when I was writing it, I'm happy to see that little has changed. I am clear about who I seek but unclear of my path to him.
The List
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