Last Chance

I don't mind getting down to the wire and taking a few chances.  Hell, it's been my life story.  The idea of "nothing to lose" is a silly fallacy I believed in when I was younger.  Our life's sum total morphs as we edge closer to the top of the mountain.  It's a lot tougher to seriously make a big change knowing that other's lives are affected.  Who are we to make a change that will shift our loved ones lives forever in addition to our own?

We are the ones that matter...that's who we are.  In the end, it's just singularly ourselves that take the chances catapulting our lives into the next level of development.  As I was taking my kids back to their father's home, they shared with me that one of their dearest friends had lost his father the day after Christmas.  This kid who I cared for like one of my own had lost his Dad.  Each of my children had thought the other one had told me...gotta love teenage communication!

It just hit me as I left them that I had jumped so far into the next level of development that if I were to die on my drive back, I would have died content knowing that I had not been afraid of taking a "last chance."  The poor man who had passed on had gone through a difficult divorce a couple of years ago with so much acrimony from both sides.  Fortunately, his son had lived part time with him as of late so they were given that time...but I'm so happy that I have forcibly taken my time back from a toxic relationship.  I sincerely hope that he had found some contentment.

My children still have much to work through.  They will learn many adult lessons in the next few years.  I'm going to try to instill in them the importance of listening to signals and really direct their lives so that they don't question themselves too much.  I may look like the basic middle aged Mom when I'm with them...but even they know a bad ass when they see one.  :-)

Yes, I plan on taking chances for at least another 48 years!  I plan on following the paths that are well lit but also the ones not yet well worn.  I'm just a single soul and the loss of not making myself fulfilled would be a dishonor for those who have not been given a "last chance."

I'm ready for you 2013...kicking, screaming, falling down, and standing my ass up again...and again...and again...and NEVER settling for anything less than butterflies in my chest, bee hives in my belly, and a freaking jump from the mountaintop of fear.  2013