Patterns

“Controlling people control others to feel secure.”  Does your own self-doubt find comfort with an insecure and possessive mate?

My newest friend and I had a great discussion about this topic today.  Both of us are wary of falling into an old pattern with a potential date mate that resembles the relationship we left behind.  We could blame our nurturing natures, our rather low key approach to time demands, and a myriad of other reasons...but in the end, women are prone to be peace keepers.  As society has changed, so too has this expectation.   


We have entered the era of the "grey divorce" and the baby boomers are going BOOM...we are done with this!  If only that were true....  What I've learned about myself and others is that old habits can be hard to break.  As we seek out our new partners, we end up fighting the same old attractions.  It's taken therapy and self-reflection to help me recognize these tendencies and I've successfully made the pivot and turned away from some controlling individuals.

It's HARD to feel secure as a middle aged, divorced woman!  Even my own mother reminded me before I signed the divorce papers..."you're not a spring chicken anymore; you might not ever have another man."  Okay, that's a clear generational divide!  Her era has/had a different need for men...yep, it still makes me chuckle...but, in a way, she touched on a truth.  I may NOT be able to cross a certain divide...self doubt about myself??  Arrrggggghhhh!  I suppose it's the mystery of whether a broken and scarred heart can heal enough to feel love....  

Another generational divide?  Not really as this is a question as old as mankind.  Does healing of the heart take place before it beats again or does it actually take someone new to get it going again?  Hmmm, chicken or egg?  The good thing about my era...I can google it!  :-)