Being Mean

How is it that the mean ladies hold such sway over the opposite sex in this day and age?  One would think that with the advent of technology, a man could do a bit of research and figure out why they are drawn to the snarling, mean spirited woman who haunts their psyches.

A simple search will reveal all the mommy issues that come forth with wanting to love someone who insists they don't want the love.  Maybe it's why my ex insisted til the end of the relationship that it could be salvaged.  Maybe he even liked my horror at his actions because he thought it was a challenge that could be overcome. Being mean to him was so completely out of my nature that it almost brought me to a standstill.  With all of his failings, it was not enjoyable to make him feel bad as I pushed him away. And yet, that just flamed his ardor.  I hope his new love is helping him overcome this weakness...I don't like the thought that he could bring someone into my children's lives who wants to be mean...even if it's just to him.  I don't want them to witness that oddity.

Smiling for smiling's sake is weird, I suppose.  Just like tears that come out at  inopportune times, smiles can cause consternation in others.  "Why are you smiling?"  "What's up with you?"  "Anything I should know about?"

It's truly just a smile of happiness and a bubble that erupts spontaneously.  But I guess with today's CSI mentality, a smile isn't just a smile anymore.  And a smile at a man can carry a misconstrued message.  A recent study published in Psychology Today highlighted the social misread of the majority of men.  When men are given a smile from a woman they find attractive, they subconsciously believe that it construes sexual innuendo.  WTHopefulF???  Consistent studies prove it though.  A smile is more than a smile to that part of the male brain attached to his penis! ha ha

This study also highlights the man's need for the chase of these misconstrued sexual signals and when he gets rejected, the woman's importance grows regardless of her bitchiness.  So then begins a strange cycle of courtship...a woman becomes the bitch that the man needs to win over to tamp down that egocentric need to fulfill unrequited love from his mother.  Holy crap on a cracker!

Before I even enter the realm of how this is going to screw up my romantic life, I'm bound to correct any odd mommy issues that my own son may end up having.  The aspect of divorce in his early life could cause him to lean toward a young woman who plays coy enough to get him but can't turn it off once he's smitten.  Therein lies the problem...will he spend the rest of his life trying to satisfy a MEAN ASS woman to quiet a need to stop his mother from divorcing his father?  Arrggghhhh...this is exactly why I dropped my psychology classes!  Unfortunately, this type of scenario is prevalent in early relationships...and judging by men my age...it could STILL be an issue.

Although I don't cotton to playing hard to get (the cruelty of that game isn't my style), it has occurred without my consent.  Sadly, there are some men who take my lack of interest in pursuing a dating pattern with them as evidence that SURELY I must want to date them!  What?  Sigh.  And then there are the incredibly sweet men who were treated like crap by MEAN ASS WOMEN and now must get their heads around the fact that there are women like me...the simple nice girl who smiles just because she's happy and grateful to be around them.  Sigh again.

My weakness is when I see this happening to a man.  If they even hint at giving me some kind of drama with games or exes or the need to keep playing the field, I flee.  Fast.  And then I end up with these damned texts and phone calls.  It's not that I'm playing "hard to get," it's that I'm NOT playing at all.  I just refuse to enter into a psychological tap dance with someone who has not figured out what they want in a woman.  Maybe I should be more patient?  I have learned to read some of those early signals and the hint of indecision sends me down another path.  Patient?  Can I look past those signals and extend that second chance?  I truly don't know because that's one of those psychological issues that I have a hard time seeing...because I NEED a man's perspective.  :-)  Ohhhhh, smiley me!

Daughtry: Start of Something Good