Smiley Me

Maybe I'm repressing something?  I know I'm expected to fret today, cry about days gone by, miss the family unit...but, I don't feel any of that.  I feel as free and light as a feather or a leaf flying in the wind.

This blog isn't called "a feathery leaf" for nothing, folks. These symbols have appeared in my jewelry, clothing, housewares, etc. throughout my life. :-)

My beautiful children returned to their father's home this Christmas morning.  Our own celebration was as special as I hoped it would be...funny presents...silly food...ridiculous television!  They were hesitant about leaving me but I waved them on their way.  My job has been to help them spread their wings and I know how hard it will be for them the rest of this day.  For their first Christmas without an intact family, their father decided to invite his girlfriend and her daughter to share Christmas dinner.  I have known for so long that his needs have to come first...I ache for my two children as they come to accept this too.  I can't answer the "why" to their questions as I truly don't know so I simply defer those answers to him.  If he learns too late which relationships need the most attention...well, it is no longer my worry and I am FREE to fly.  Whether or not they end up flying away from him is thoroughly up to the three of them.

And so, as this day is spent alone...well, with a cat...maybe a movie..some junk food, television, and internet...I can say honestly that it's one of my best Christmases ever!  The year has been book ended in the most amazing way.  At the beginning of 2012, I was haunted by the storm I was facing.  At the end, I am emboldened by my possibilities and by the knowledge that I have a core of steel.  I can be bent but I can be hammered back into shape...even if I have to hold the hammer myself!  hee hee hee

Cheers to Christmas.  Cheers to my strong and  resilient children.  Cheers to me.