Round and Round

With age, I can patiently observe life's turns on its merry-go-round.  The monotony of daily living would be just that if I didn't take the time to look harder at what's going on around me.  I choose to find small details as collectively they form a larger impact on my life events.

At the beginning of any relationship, either friendly or romantic, we are prone to giving rather unconscious clues.  Perimeters are set early on with likes/dislikes, personality traits, and even introductions to others in our life circle.  Each layer that is peeled back exposes a need or preference that we hope will be acceptable to the other.  Growing older makes that list of "must haves" longer as we try to protect ourselves from repeats of past hurt.

This can be a dangerous turn though.  The boundaries we build around our hearts leave us in a more vulnerable position.  So much of what we think can hurt us is built from unresolved pain.  We project our past into our future and spoil the potential crop of goodness that can come from being with someone who might be a blessing.  

Humanity has tried to understand this forever in our literature, our art, the philosophy around which we build civilization and religion.  

"Learn from your mistakes; don't repeat your past."

But we often end up repeating the past exactly to resolve it rather than doing the work in preparation for when it comes around again.  Round and round we ride and without due diligence to the details, a firm commitment to heed their lessons, and keen observance of our own biases, we live in a continual and unsatisfying loop.

I like getting off the merry go round and I like breaking my own boundaries.  It's the sweetest part of life to be continually surprised by my own resilience...growing...learning...being.