Deep Breathing

The deepest of breaths are not always enough to cast aside stressful thoughts.  When confronted with a person from the past who knows so well how to push my buttons, I find that the simple act of breathing becomes a painful spasm.

Even now, I plow through "relationship" books in the effort to understand how exactly I/he/we went wrong after such a long time together.  In essence, it is difficult to find answers when one does not know the correct question to ask.

One of the drawbacks to not having exit counseling when ending a relationship is then not knowing how to proceed safely into a new relationship.  The worries then reproduce like unencumbered rabbits:

• What did I do wrong?  
• Why didn't he love me enough?
• How much more could I have sacrificed to make it work?

Those kinds of questions are knee-jerk reactions to stress.  I'm informed enough now to know that a breakup cannot be whittled down to one person.  Instead of applying blame, I have to accept that I was a willing participant in a dysfunctional pairing.  

Some might argue that all relationships are dysfunctional but I refuse to believe this.  I'm goal oriented and want a profunctional relationship for the next great love of my life.  I seek proficiency, protection, and professed dedication from another to make a relationship work together!

From a rookie to a professional in two short years?  Let the games continue....  winkwink