Pissy MS

As the "poster child" for what a successful MS patient looks like, I rarely allow myself to wallow in pity.  The work I've done on my physical, mental, and emotional stability to deal with this diagnosis is second to none.  When I walk through the doors of my neurologist for my monthly "juice," they see an eager and cooperative patient.  Smiles, laughter, and conversation make the 90 minute ordeal simple for everyone and times passes quickly...except it's all an act and I anxiously await the end of the dripping medicine.

I discovered early on with this malady that rather than a squeaky wheel getting oiled, it's the charming bee who gets the honey.  Medical staff like happy patients because it's so rare in their environment.  The stress ridden atmosphere they inhabit swirls with disappointment and hopelessness.  Positive outcomes have mostly been left outside the front door.  I suppose the individuals who receive good news from their myriad of tests keep their joy quiet until they leave the building...who wants to be joyous exiting a waiting room filled with walkers, wheel chairs, and canes?

Because I put on a "happy face" with such regularity, when a problem does occur, the medical staff respond promptly to my problems.  I have never been turned down when I request a last minute "emergency" appointment.  Fortunately, the emergencies have been rare and mild.  I'm sure that my participation in a 2 year drug trial cemented my status among this group as I submitted myself to constant medical scrutiny.  And I did all that with a happy face....

But tomorrow, I plaster on the smile, hook up the juice and charm my way through another treatment.

I hate MS.  I'm thankful for the medicine.  I'm glad that my presence will boost their mood tomorrow for a little while.  And they won't even notice that I probably cried before I walked in.  They'll have no idea that the tears start in the car on the drive home.  MS is pissy.  Acting happy and positive on meds day can be a struggle but I know if I can get through one day, I have at least another 29 days to be happy without acting...just being.