Be what you seek....
Skinning this cat is tricksy. After posting the nostalgic ponderings of Bob Marley yesterday, I thought hard about why he and others idealize love and soul mates.
Marley put himself in a creative zone enhanced with the fantasy like quality of island life and the purple haze of drugs. It's a grand goal to think that we can feel beloved by someone on a 24/7 basis. It's also the kind of pressure that limits our growth. Why would someone try to begin a relationship to fulfill all the attributes that Marley writes about?
Am I saying it is impossible? Yes...and I'm a fairy tale believer! The difference is that my fairy tale reads more like Shrek than Cinderella. I have come to the realization that the "one" may be different for each phase of our life. If the original "one" is unwilling to make the life evolution needed , then it does not bode well for the future of a couple.
The pace of modern life, the insular qualities that society demands of its families, and the incredible reach of technology into our very private spaces demand a change in how we approach personal relationships. All the wonderful things that Marley hopes to find in his one true love may be better spread out among many relationships including close family and friends. The notion that one person can be ALL in today's society doesn't seem feasible.
And so, as life develops for we mid life divorcees, words of advice from old love songs and poems seem quaint and outdated. It doesn't mean that our future date mates will be missing out on romance, it just means that the fairy tale has been given a good dose of realism.
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