I have a placard hanging on the wall beside my bed..."All Things are Possible if you BELIEVE." It sounds sappy but it deserves merit. Sometimes, stretching our belief system is the only way to convince ourselves that we will reach what seems an implausible goal.
Making room in my psyche to release the fantasy of "happily ever after" occurred long ago when it came to my marriage. Fortunately, I still BELIEVE it can happen with someone else...maybe a few someones...after all, I expect to live to 100+ which means I may outlive a couple more men! ha ha
Banishing an unhealthy fantasy has been difficult lately. I've allowed someone to stay closely connected to me throughout this divorce process who has clouded my vision. Because of the pain and disillusionment, I didn't let myself see this as a toxic relationship. I convinced myself that the boundaries we had set up were adequate. They weren't. And now that I've firmly communicated how the lines are drawn, the friendship has been withdrawn.
Maybe I projected a fantasy onto this person that made them into a character I wanted as my friend. One would think that the number of life altering events I've been through would better prepare me for handling outside influence. It hasn't. It didn't. Instead, I try to keep my sunniest attitude that a person's actions don't always reflect their true character...their circumstances keep them from being their best....
It's time I face the fact. I haven't had the best character myself during this process and it's meant that I've drawn people to me who are also lacking in character. Character is what one does when no one else is looking...I'm looking at myself now and I want boundary lines drawn. I want there to be distance between myself and people who are consciously making those poor decisions.
The time for character is now in my life. If I have to be without certain "friends" to achieve that, I will.
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