Car Wreck

Seeing someone you love make poor choices is incredibly HARD to watch.  It's the equivalent of watching a car wreck in slow motion.  The end result is never good and the pain of it blasts a hole in your heart.

We seek partners who will be "caution" signs as we travel this weird highway of life.  As either one of us veers too close to the edge or starts to cross the center line, our partner steers us back into the proper lane.  At least it's supposed to work like that.

2012 has certainly been among the toughest stretches of highways I have had to traverse and done it without a partner.  I haven't been alone...friends and family have been incredible aids, but humans seem to really want a partner; our loneliness is matched only by our recklessness as we seek our other halves.

In the year since I've been dealing with my life transition, I've tried to stay in my lane.  My counselor has helped propel me through the roughest patches.  Without her guidance, I'm sure I would literally be in a ditch somewhere.  But I'm not and I won't be.  As I learn to listen to my instincts again, I feel safe knowing that I am avoiding the car wrecks that others are getting perilously close to...and there's nothing I can say or do that seems to help them.

So I question myself.

"Am I giving up too soon on a potential partner?"
"How many times should I ignore what my gut is telling me?"
"Do I feel like a better person by having them in my life?"

Answers that I have come to....

"There is a time limit on patience as I see a lack of motivation to evolve."
"If I keep ignoring those messages, they will eventually dull again and I'll be trapped in a dead end relationship."
"Worrying about someone too much takes away the joy I've worked so hard to find.  It should be a mutual and a natural joy that I find with someone."

Ever forward...I'm choosing to keep moving forward in the correct lane and avoiding those ditches no matter how many around me choose to drive into them.