Waiting

Rules player or radical?
Gut instinct or gut wrenching?

The sentence I just erased was grousing that I seldom like blazing a trail...sounded like a good southern girl sentiment but it was wrong.  I'm not sure why I still downplay my fearlessness.  No one is making me fit into that mold anymore and truthfully, I haven't conducted my life as such.  But I have been quiet about it and have often passed off my adventures as someone else's idea.

Alone again tonight and observing these two cats play out what I'm thinking...one sits shyly by the opening in fear of pushing open the door.  The other?  She charged through as usual and joins me listening to the birds and enjoying the breeze.

Just as people, their personalities and histories play a part of their present behavior.  I can't know what they went through before I adopted them just as I can't fathom the pasts of new acquaintances.  Waiting for a tentative new behavior is maddening when I can see what's best for them but I wait with the expectation that patience will embolden their bravery.

Friends who need to be pushed out of their comfort zone, children who need to be pulled back from recklessness and parents being urged to indulge themselves...it's comforting to know that I'm needed and helpful that I can quietly provide some guidance.

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QUIETLY

Quietly waiting,

We sit and observe

Our time slipping away.

Patiently tapping,

We watch one another as

A move is deliberated.

Skillfully shifting,

Our vision becomes clear

And a door emerges.

Breathlessly stepping

Together on a path

Made for two.

Walking quietly,

Side by side

Into one.

,

Affirm

I can't help but laugh looking at this feature from Iyanla Vansant as it's indicative of my funny life when it comes to being single.

Affirm - If my choices do not bring forth the best in myself and others, I am free to choose again.


The Dating Game or Let's Make a Deal?  Choosing a mate as an adult versus the 23 year old child that I was back in the day...it's enough to make a girl/woman/ingenue toss up her hands in despair!  Instead, I'm advised to forget the tossing and just keep knocking at the doors of potential.

Undaunted, I do and I will.  I'm being told by many friends that they went through this process in their twenties and that I should allow the process to play itself out.  Interesting but not necessarily the correct process for me.  After all, I didn't go that route and ended up with a mostly successful marriage, children nearly launched and two adults who are finding their own peace.  Also, I didn't allow emotion to blow up the bank, disrupt someone else's home place or put unrealistic demands on my ex.  But who can really be whole after a divorce?  The void that caused the divorce still demands to be filled.

And so I keep moving onto the next door with pure hope and earned skepticism in my heart.  I'm not planning a decade long excursion of trying to find the ultimate man who fits every single category.  Unrealistic.  Instead, character and chemistry make for the best match.  They must coexist and with that, we shall go behind closed doors....  winkwink

Hammer Time

The week is at an end and it is far different than its beginning.  Purpose, initiative, action have set in firmly and I'm facing a lot of quiet times to meander down the writing path.

Starting an important project has always filled me with dread.  It's not because I cannot complete it or even make a success of it...it's what I must give away in the process of doing it.  Parts of me are chipped away and tossed into the creative soup that I seek to make.  There are those who take on tasks with mediocre commitment and then, there are we others who seek excellence for our endeavor.  We give completely to our chosen path.

The life altering projects in my life have been done well.  I research and plan with a final outcome of success already in mind.  As it evolves, I'm at the ready to alter steps so that the project itself is never in danger.  Education.  Love.  Career growth.  Family stability.  Health.  Fitness.  Divorce.  Reboot.  

Before I understood my ambitious psyche, I struggled with perfecting the steps of a process.  I have learned and am now able to approach life projects with a panoramic view.  The sight beyond the horizon?  It's already in my mind's eye and several paths present themselves.  Fortunately, I now know that if one path is blocked, it's not a tragedy to step back and take another.  That is the gift of age and experience.  The wolf we feared breathing down our neck is imaginary; mid lifers know that true knowledge and fulfillment come on the journey to our final destination and rushing causes missteps.  All our little projects, large and small build a joyful foundation and hammer in hand, I'm ready to chip away and write myself away, away, and away.

Begin

Much thanks to Jennifer Weiner for her wise thoughts.  Just begin.  And although the writing spurts have gone on four decades plus, it just may be that the spurts are becoming gushers and so, I begin.

The children might raise their eyebrows at this point and remind me of my oft repeated statement:
"Once begun, half done!"

Dear Sareet will smile and tell me that she expected nothing less as hurdles in my path provide pauses rather than stops.

And my Grandfather Clint's stubby pencils, tiny notebooks, and succinct blurbs about the weather mixed in with musings of family and farm continue to inspire me to capture words daily.

A poem, a pondering, an analysis, a review...all a start to something that I know I must do.

Begin.

A Feathery Leaf

Hurdle one complete.

Coffee Kindness

It's official.  Sweet little old men give the best compliments.  From "champagne girl" at the wine shop to "cute chick" at the coffee shop, I'm wrapped in love from the elderly.  And since it seems my other research was driven by drink, I looked at the benefits of today's coffee run.  With the combined effects of a daily glass of wine and cuppa joe, my brain hitting the 50 year mark might be in better shape than I imagined!

Caffeine Love

I can't get enough information at this stage of life concerning wellness.  Each study/report/experiment is worth the time for discovery.  With bodily health we have strength to concentrate on our emotional and mental well being.  Adversity will come and preparedness should help the healing process.

Healing with a cuppa joe, an occasional champagne, and lots of little old men for compliments...sounds like a plan!

Champagne

When the ego takes a hit, it's nice to feel a soothing balm.  And the balms come from the most surprising people at the most opportune times.  Thankfulness then is due to the gentleman who referred to me as "a champagne among women" rather than the whiskey I'd thought myself to be.  lol

After all, whiskey ages so nicely and fits with my Kentuckian persona but champagne...what are its attributes and how might I use its balm?  Upon research, I found this happy result:

All groups were then subjected to high levels of neurotoxicity similar to what the human brain experiences during inflammatory conditions. The study found that the groups pre-treated with exposure to Champagne had a higher level of cell restoration compared to the group that wasn't. The study's co-authors noted that it was too early to conclusively say that drinking Champagne is beneficial to brain health but that the study does point researchers to more exploration in this area.

I have tried to savor champagne only on special occasions.  Unlike whiskey, its bubbles release into my laughter and my happiness buzz is quite speedy...great big smiles with that!  Perhaps it's worth a toast more often with the thought that drinking it is good for my health.  winkwink


Champagne Girl

May I compare thee to a cheerful glass?
With color like your hair
And tickles on your lips

May I taste your happiness?
With sweetness near
And a haunting kiss

May I stroke this smoothness?
With skin so supple
And peaking mounds

May I open your bottle?
With strength and care
And give you moans because I dare

Hello Day

I'm always enchanted by the pure magic of time and reflection.  Moments passing in a blur are for the younger set; I drink them in as they happen and hope for 50 more years of this wonderful phenomenon.
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Hello Day

What brought me low
Cannot continue so
And that's because of you

We shed the shadows
Of your night and
Welcome morning new

Too bright for some
Clouds just right
You are an artist true

Hello Day
You're quite a sight
And now my heart's not blue

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What a gift this beautiful day to remind me that I am not defined by sorrow.  Instead, my choice is to climb past the broken and walking wounded who do not choose to stand up and move forward.  I cannot understand their fear and fortunately, I'm at the stage of life where I no longer care to understand it.

Philosophers, saints, leaders have spent centuries trying to answer the question of WHY some souls stagnate and flounder.  For me, the lessons of moving onward were early and harsh but oh, I would not change a thing.  Instead, those days have prepared me to keep lifting foot after foot...letting my heart beat in hope for a someday love...forgiving myself over and over and all because I have lived through hardship.

Each DAY is my new beginning and my continued gratitude that I CAN welcome it all with a smile.