Outlier or Out Liar

The Hardest Places to Live in America

I realize that I'm an outlier in terms of my heritage and geographical upbringing.  My county ranks 3,076 out of 3,135 counties in the U.S.  After reading this piece, my first thought wasn't how poorly we ranked but how fortunate we were that we weren't at the bottom!

And perhaps that is the key to living what most would consider a successful life.  I looked at the article's information with a glass half full mentality just as I lived my life.  Adversity did not pin me down but provided insight to other "life ladders" within my reach.  I took advantage of those ladders by lying to myself about my probable success.  Regardless of self esteem issues brought on by living in poverty, I was able to summon forth action.  There were times in my young life that I felt crippled by perfectionism, fear, circumstance and still I acted because each step felt like a "hail Mary."  What did I have to lose?

With the perspective of age, I can see that I am the progeny of two outliers.  They have also beat the odds and in the case of my brothers and I, outlier plus outlier equals above average chance of having an outlier.

The question begs to be answered...nature or nurture?  An answer is complicated just as the statistics of outliers is problematic.  My family did not provide emotional nurturing as defined by today's standards but I was also not denied opportunities to chase hare-brained schemes.  If I felt strongly enough, I was given free rein to explore my potential.  I knew that no one would be there for me emotionally if I failed.  Lying to myself that it was okay to be alone with successes or failures eventually caught up with me.  Getting closer to mid life, I stopped my mental "lie speak" and faced a hard truth.

And so I've been preoccupied with "adding up" my 50 years of life.  Have I done enough?  What is enough?  Is life as I know it now...enough?

No.

Sharing my dreams with someone who will assuredly support me if I've failed OR succeeded will give me enough...enough to keep climbing ladders for the next 50 years.