Drivel

Reading my last post of self-pitying drivel is humbling.

Oh great strong lady, where were you??  :-)

Fortunately, I was being strong enough to be vulnerable.  Ugh.  Weakness has felt shameful to me for a long time and I'm facing it squarely now.  Is it the American culture of shaming that influences me, my upbringing, my unique psyche, or the fact that I'm a pseudo perfectionist woman who hates to let her guard down?  All of the above, no doubt.  Ugh.

First step accomplished...admit/submit to the feeling of weakness.  YES.  FINE.  I get lonely.  Ugh.
Second step...take steps to alleviate the problem.  YES.  FINE.  I have opened my life to online dating.
Third step...invest in my own evolution.  YES.  PERFECT.  I'm at my happiest trying to fix a problem.

Facing the mirror and accepting that I must show my weaknesses in order to overcome them may be my greatest lifetime test.  Exploring vulnerable Lisa was NOT on my bucket list, my "to do" list, or my wish list.  It is on my "must" list.

Embarrassment, humiliation, shame, admission and all for the sin of weakness.  It's too much angst for a normal emotion and I'm finally understanding the part I play...I can ease up on the tough lady act and be the lonely lady.  And that's okay.  Whew...although that little tomboy with a competitive streak in me wants to...NOOOOO!!  ;-)  :-))))))))))))))