Swoosh

I hate medical dramas and yet, I have just dodged another one!

The mind and body work as one so regardless of the fact that I have stood steadfast and strong considering my latest dilemma, I have been angry at my body for letting me down again.  That anger translated into tension and feeling tension is NOT what I want to do much in my new life.

My old adage of "fake it til you make it" only worked so far and then I called upon my friends and family to assist my psyche.  It worked.  They helped me feel TRULY better about myself and the outcome of my drama.  Seeing this circle in action has emboldened me to also look closer at how I'm conducting my dating life.

As my new girlfriend and I have discussed (we formed a divorce recovery group of 2 ), we have always considered ourselves one man at a time women.  This may have worked for us in our youth, but our current experience is showing us that it is not feasible any longer.  The advice mongers have told this over and over but we've been stubborn in our attitude.  I found this short piece which seemed to condense all their advice in one concise manner:

First, Alicia - please learn to date several men at the same time. Being serially monogamous (one man at a time) is great when we're young and learning how to be in a relationship. But when dating one man at a time results in a pattern of heartbreak, the learning isn't happening.

So, dating many men at the same time gives you a way to actually see what's going on with you. Also, when you're not tied and bonded to one man it's impossible to pressure him. You automatically create some distance between you that's real and has to do with the fun and fulfilling kind of life you have outside of your relationship.

This is authentic - and very different from the kind of avoiding and running away and pretending and yet hoping that Alicia is doing in this letter. Instead of making your life more difficult, it makes it simpler.

Wow.  I'm a dating rookie but not necessarily a relationship rookie.  I fought the "good fight" and did my best to hold together a married relationship for 23 years.  The lessons I learned from that, good and bad, will serve me well in the future.  But, I have NEVER been a successful dater.  Even in college, my pursuers were more interested in making me a girlfriend rather than a fleeting moment.  

I'm not positive if it's a moral shift or an emotional shift I will be making.  By seeing more than one fellow at a time, I automatically lose the emotional component...I certainly won't allow myself to get too close to one person BUT supposedly, I will discover the "kind" of gentleman I wish to be with long term.  Compare and contrast as it comes to men is an alien concept for me.  

SWOOSH...dodging dilemmas is becoming easier.