Although they tried, no one could convince me that I would go through many phases of acceptance when it came to divorce. For my own sanity, I convinced myself that the first six months of 2012 were part and parcel of my angst.
I wanted to begin and end the "project" of divorce in six months and move on with my life. Would that I could put all those individuals in a room so that I could acclaim, "You told me so!! You were right!!"
Acceptance of life after divorce as a roller coaster ride is upon me...I am holding on tight to the car and yet the ups and downs remind me that I'm just one bump away from catastrophe. Alone. Alone. And all alone....
It's also thrilling to crest the next rise and see a beautiful vista that I've never even imagined and just as a roller coast bursts into speed downhill, so too do I hurtle into that unknown vista.
It's the perfect time to embrace change and yet, I cringe again as I embark upon it. I will move by myself to another geographic arena...no husband, no children, and supported only by my friends who are enlisted to become my new family. I face my family's questions of "Why move? Is it safe? Don't you hate change? Who do you know? Who will be near to help you?"
They live in another state...both in distance and in mind...they have yet to realize that I'm alone now. The children will both be gone to their futures in August and so, too must I have go to my future.
So still the statue of motherhood,
So quiet our resilience,
We cannot alter ourselves without comment,
We cannot move from the pedestal....
Yet life moves around us and we're changed,
Away from our progeny,
Awaiting their return,
And our visage is altered by life's hand regardless.
As we are alone with it,
Our life as mother without a brood,
An aging nonetheless beautiful
And nonetheless changed.
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