Tuesday, April 15, 2014

ValYou

Values?

Core values.  Succumbing to my research need, I thought it might be prescient to learn more about how our species values...values.  Apparently, I haven't broached the topic with myself much...I came up empty handed other than the pat responses.  Truth.  Respect.  Courage.

I found a lady who had written hers down and I suspect she knows they'll be copied.  What else is the internet for except to provide fodder for copiers like me?  And so, Claire Hodgson has a list and I'll start from there:

  • Security
  • Positive/fulfilling relationships with friends and family
  • Contentment 
  • Peace 
  • Fun  
  • Laughter 
  • Loyalty
  • Financial freedom 
  • Passion
  • Simplicity 


I agree with her when it comes to Security.  Each day I wake up wondering if I can maintain my life as it is currently...my game plan for catastrophe is incomplete, thus "to live" this value of security, I have to face some unpleasant facts regarding health.  To be continued....

Positive/fulfilling relationships with my family and friends is value met with fruition.  I am content.

Contentment is a fluid concept in my life...I'm content until I'm bored and then I become inspired to shake apart the guise of contentment and move on to Excitement.  

Fun in life for me equals discovery and that value keeps me waking up daily with hope.

Laughter is my second breath.  It and carbon dioxide are twinsies in my world! ;-)

Loyalty has always been steadfast in my life.  Without it, I could not have been married so long nor could I have successfully reared two children...I am loyal to their beings before my own.  Mother sacrifice!  haha  May cause them a guilt trip!  ha ha

Financial freedom must be researched and dissected so that I can maintain a sense of the first value, security.

Passion...to be considered....

Simplicity is valid only to the extent that minimalism can be explored for its own eccentricities.


These are Claire's core values.  Many of them ring true for me and they provide a jumping off point...hopefully, it's not over a cliff of insecurity!  hah

Monday, April 14, 2014

Change

Feeling the aura of change in my life yet AGAIN takes up too much of my grey matter.  My brain pummels itself in hopes to find contentment with change...it will not happen.  There is little to feel contented about and yet, all of it is awash in excitement.

Although they tried, no one could convince me that I would go through many phases of acceptance when it came to divorce.  For my own sanity, I convinced myself that the first six months of 2012 were part and parcel of my angst.

I wanted to begin and end the "project" of divorce in six months and move on with my life.  Would that I could put all those individuals in a room so that I could acclaim, "You told me so!!  You were right!!"

Acceptance of life after divorce as a roller coaster ride is upon me...I am holding on tight to the car and yet the ups and downs remind me that I'm just one bump away from catastrophe.  Alone.  Alone.  And all alone....

It's also thrilling to crest the next rise and see a beautiful vista that I've never even imagined and just as a roller coast bursts into speed downhill, so too do I hurtle into that unknown vista.

It's the perfect time to embrace change and yet, I cringe again as I embark upon it.  I will move by myself to another geographic arena...no husband, no children, and supported only by my friends who are enlisted to become my new family.  I face my family's questions of "Why move?  Is it safe?  Don't you hate change?  Who do you know?  Who will be near to help you?"

They live in another state...both in distance and in mind...they have yet to realize that I'm alone now.  The children will both be gone to their futures in August and so, too must I have go to my future.


So still the statue of motherhood,
So quiet our resilience,
We cannot alter ourselves without comment,
We cannot move from the pedestal....

Yet life moves around us and we're changed,
Away from our progeny,
Awaiting their return,
And our visage is altered by life's hand regardless.

As we are alone with it,
Our life as mother without a brood,
An aging nonetheless beautiful
And nonetheless changed.